Taking Flight

 

   There are many times that I've felt that anticipation curl in my belly. The rush of adrenaline and the way my stoic Swiss heritage stamps down extra displays of excitement, my body letting go of the coursing excitement with taps of my finger or the inability to stand perfectly still.  I felt all of this when I stood with the other dozen or so people, everyone waiting in apparent boredom for the boarding call. I was anything but bored. I was terrified, because this 35 year old woman had never flown before. 

    I shifted closer to my husband, my nonchalance could have won me an acting award. Until we started down the long corridor, heading to the impossibly small plane door. Then I realized that I've watched too many cop shows, as my brain began spinning all the scary things that could happen in a narrow space like this. It only got worse when I actually started following my husband down the ridiculously narrow isle, my suitcase bumping along after me. 

    When I settled into my seat next to my husband, I assessed my mental and emotional state and realized I was ok. Still excited.  I bent my head to peer out of the baby-sized windows. Still ok. Still excited. But then we had sat for fifteen minutes. people were still coming on, and we were still waiting. I noticed how tall the seat in front of me was, and how close the seat back was to my face. I noticed how one of my shoulders was bumping my husbands shoulder, and my other shoulder was just inches from the side of the plane. I noticed how low the ceiling was. And then I thought about how it would feel to be seated here, hurtling through the air, with no where for me to go. 

    My claustrophobia began creeping in as anxiety started locking down my brain. I could feel a panic attack on the edges of my consciousness. 

    I remember closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. I focused on the excitement of seeing places that I had always dreamed of seeing. I channeled all the anxiety into my excitement (it's essentially the same chemicals that are released in our bodies for both of these emotions.).  I felt the anxiety begin to dissipate, and I opened my eyes again, determined to enjoy this new experience for what it was. 

    Many minutes later, the plane taxied to the runway. It was still dark outside. I watched out of my window, enjoying seeing the wing of the plane, the asphalt streaking below as the plane picked up speed. My anxiety reared its head again, but no, I channeled that and it became my EXCITEMENT and love of adventure.  I felt the moment the plane lifted off the ground, my stomach dropping in response, as the nose of our bird touched the sky, climbing and climbing. We leveled out, and then the plane turned, the wing beside me dipping as the pilot set our course.  I could see the entire city spread out below. Emotion touched my tear ducts, and I smiled as I watched the sun peek out of the horizon. 

    I settled back in my seat, ready for the long flight cross country, from the east coast to the west coast.  After years of dreaming, I was finally taking flight to see California.